A Genius Anxiety Hack I Learned From Daycare About Transitions

As a Play Therapist I am always learning new techniques and strategies for calming and regulation in some of the most unexpected places.  

Yup - sometimes it comes from Facebook, observations of families in public, or my own personal experiences.  Other times these new techniques and strategies come from unrelated to therapy books or podcasts.  Really - anywhere!
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And what makes these strategies “legit” when I integrate them into my practice is using my years of training, degrees, and sorting through stacks-on-stacks of peer reviewed journal articles as a lens for what is therapeutic and science backed vs. pop culture.  It’s where the education and background meets real life. 

SO the one strategy and tip I wanted to share with you today came from an amazing daycare center - and let me tell you, it’s pure genius! Now, emotional regulation strategies are the number one thing I get curious about when thinking about daycares - both for my own children AND the day care aged kids I see in my practice.  

And this daycare? It had emotional regulation supports 10/10! 

This intervention can be used for kids that have difficulty with transition.  These children are either crying, tantruming, or clinging when their caregiver goes to leave. This can be common in daycare aged kids and for many is a developmental stage as they get to a certain age. 

Now, most daycare centers are excited to report back to parents and caregivers that exactly 5 ish minutes after the grownup leaves their child is off and running to play with the blocks and stuffies.  And at the same time, the pain of transition can be so hard for both kids and grownups. 

To ease the difficulty of transition we can break the transition up into two steps with some separation and distance at the second step.  For some centers you will need to be creative but you can make this work in nearly every situation.  

The first step is a very predictable goodbye at the door.  Think of it like a secret handshake but wrapped in nurturing and attachment.  It should be quick with support, love, and comfort.  It can also be narrated for extra support.  

This might look like “one hug, two kisses, and a wave goodbye!”.  

Next the child’s attention is directed elsewhere.  Ideally what works for most daycares is that the child then goes to the window, waits for the parent to exit, and they do another ritual outside of the building with some distance. This might look like blowing two air kisses before the parent gets into the car.  

The diversion of attention and the distance makes the transition significantly easier for both the parent and the child as well as gives the child a sense of control and another opportunity for goodbye.  Some alternatives are to wave “down the hallway”, or have the parent go into the classroom deeper and then do another wave or blowing kisses at the door.  

AND this intervention doesn’t just have to be for daycare.  This can work for before school care, kids walking to the bus, or kids getting dropped off at school.  The biggest thing is two points of transition, the second one with distance. 

This intervention should definitely be supported with clinical judgment as each child is different and may need specific alterations to this technique. As a general rule - transitions go best when they are predictable and quick. 

And as much as parents want to, it likely is going to intensify emotions if parents go back to soothe. In the cases of prolonged dysregulation you as the therapist likely need to work directly with parents and daycare to identify a set of helpful regulation skills. 

Lastly, it’s important to prime parent’s expectations - see this article HERE about how to talk to parents about what to expect and that change certainly won’t happen overnight.  

Real talk?  This intervention will likely take several weeks to work, and that’s okay.  Change is hard, leaving a grownup is hard - even when daycare is SO fun and you get to see all your friends.  

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