How to Handle When Parents Request Teaching and Talking in Play Therapy

If your intake sessions, parent only sessions, or child therapy sessions don’t include some of the following comments from parents, you might not be a child therapist. It is SO common for parents to want and request things for their child like:

• "He just needs to talk about _________ ."
• "She needs to learn skills for _________."
• "They don’t want to talk about _________ at home, but I told them they needed to talk about it with you. "​

Yup, the request for teaching specific skills and talking about specific topics in therapy. 

So first, why do parents do this? Well… most of the time it is because they have deep care about their child and because they are not (typically) trained child and adolescent therapists, they default to what they know has helped them or other adults - teaching and talking! 

For some family systems these requests are rooted in shame or the use of therapy as a punishment.  For these family and caregiver systems you will likely need to do a TON of psychoeducation and modeling with caregivers about what therapy can accomplish and how to make therapy beneficial for their child.

But what about for the majority of parents and kids? Well - whether we talk and teach really depends.  

Some important questions to ask when you get these requests are: 

• How old is the child chronologically, cognitively, AND emotionally?
• Does the child have a trauma history that might impact the course of treatment? 
• Are skills and psychoeducation developmentally appropriate for the child?
• How does the child feel about the topic brought up by the parent? 
• What type of play therapy theory are you using and what does this theory say about talking and teaching?

Depending on the answers to the previous questions how you will respond to these requests may become clearer. 

For some kids, maybe who are 12 and you are using Cognitive Behavioral Play Therapy, it might be absolutely appropriate to teach regulation skills for test anxiety. That same child may not want to talk about test anxiety and might want to talk about her parents divorce instead, which they think is the main source of their anxiety. 

So even if you are a directive play therapist who works with kids who are developmentally able to learn skills and talk about triggers you may or may not talk about what a parent brought up depending on the child’s wishes. You might need to play the role of advocate that parents can bring up topics, but the child has freedom of choice in session (with an exception being safety issues). 

You may also be in the role to support parents for how to work with their child’s symptoms in the here and now, how to facilitate these conversations when they come up in real life, and how to use regulation skills even if their child is struggling. 

For a child who is 4 years old and you are using Child Centered Play Therapy you may have an extended parent check in or parent only session where you are providing more psychoeducation to them about the CCPT process and model and how direct talking and teaching to the child isn’t a part of the model or developmentally appropriate. 

If you need more confidence in explaining Child Centered Play Therapy to parents you need to check out this FREE Mini Master Class HERE! 

In a model like CCPT the door is absolutely wide open for the therapist to work with parents on co-regulation skills.  It might be that instead of teaching the four year old calming strategies you work with the parent on how they can co-regulate when their child is melting down.  Grab my free co-regulation guide HERE! 

You also might want to increase your confidence on “translating” how the child is actually exploring and processing the issue at hand through play by increasing your ability to talk about play themes with parents. Get more tools to increase your confidence in discussing play themes with parents HERE and HERE! 

Hopefully all these tips, resources, freebies, and downloads help you navigate parent requests that come into the office for teaching and talking! 

If you are looking for more support in your work with parents and caregivers in the playroom check out my course Holding Systems: Supporting Parents and Caregivers in The Playroom!  This course takes you in depth into parenting skills and regulation to up your play therapy confidence and competence! 

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