Play Therapy Intervention For Emotional Regulation

What if… hear me out… we could inadvertently be giving kids and teens the message that some feelings are “bad” and other feelings are “good”.  As in, if you are calm that equals good and if you are sad, mad, frustrated, embarrassed, anxious, stressed, or one of the other dysregulated feelings it equals bad. 

AND we can often (unintentionally) give that message when the focus of therapy exclusively becomes on regulation and calm.

I wanted to share with you a playful way I talk about feelings and regulation that is both compassionate for these difficult feelings as well as honoring why these feelings are showing up.

First and foremost I share with kids and teens that feelings aren’t good or bad, they’re just our bodies' way of letting us know what is happening in the world around us.  For me - if I am sitting on a lake somewhere on a sunny day you can trust I am going to be HAPPY! That’s my body's way of letting me know I like what is going on and want more of it. If a situation is occurring where I am stressed (hello to writing 10 Diagnostic Assessments in one month) it’s just my body’s way of letting me know I don’t like what is happening and I want something to be different.

So here’s where the playful part comes in.  We know that these feelings have a story to tell.  And sometimes….. they tell the story at volume 10/10.  These feelings can come in hot and blast our eardrums out.

I often tell kids that these uncomfortable feelings are important and help us make decisions about what to do next, AND if we hear the message loud and clear it is okay to turn down the volume.   We can imagine how loud these feelings are, imagine what the dial looks like, and gently imagine turning the volume down slightly.

So, it’s not a problem to be angry BUT what would it look like to go from a 8/10 where you are yelling to try to get the situation to be different to a 3/10 where you are still angry but can talk it through.  

From here you can brainstorm what skills and tools a young person would need to turn down the volume, help parents use a common language to discuss volume of feelings, and what behaviors and actions would look like if the feelings were coming out at a lower volume.

For play therapy you can launch into picture drawing or sandtray work of what it feels like when the volume is 10/10 vs. 3/10.  You could also choose characters or miniatures for a loud vs. soft volume. 

These drawings or sandtrays can then be used to launch into work around the skills and tools that kids and teens need to "turn down the volume"! 

This playful approach is helpful at not villainizing or shaming these difficult feelings, honoring the purpose, and increasing effectiveness! 

Looking for more resources for regulation? Check out my training on Keep Calm and Regulate On: Play Therapy and the Neuroscience of Emotional Regulation! ​
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