Shining Light On The Monsters Under The Bed: How To Decrease Child Anxiety

Did you know that our bodies are absolutely terrible at predicting exactly what will happen in a stressful situation?  And anxiety is meant to be protecting - I mean, if I can attempt to predict the 342,938 possible outcomes then I MUST be able to protect myself from each one….right? 

Well… not exactly.  The conversation, test, or game never goes quite how you predict it will and sometimes life throws you an absolute curveball. 

One of the biggest threats to the nervous system is the unknown - which is what leads us to ruminate about all the possibilities that likely aren’t going to happen.  Throw in some catastrophizing or black and white thinking patterns and anxiety and rumination can take off like gasoline on a fire. 

One of my favorite metaphors about the unknown that I use with kids with anxiety (and their caregivers) is that anxiety is like asking a child to enter a completely dark room. They aren’t quite sure if there are some dusty old couches in there, a perfectly setup playroom, or a monster under the bed.  They don’t know how big or small the room is, if they are going to run into a wall, or fall down a set of stairs.  All they know is that this dark room is scary and they don’t know what to expect!  Do they want to go in there? Absolutely not. 

I often share with parents that one of the best things we can do for kids is turn on the light. Make the unknown known. It is only when we “turn on the light” that we can start to accurately prepare ourselves for the situation that is ahead.  

I wanted to share four techniques to help you “turn on the light” with your clients with anxiety. 

So when we talk about regulation skills, having an educated guess and finding out more facts and details is one of the best ways to decrease anxiety.  In DBT it is called the check the facts skill where we identify the feeling, our beliefs and assumptions about it, and gather information about the facts, different perspectives, and different ways to see the situation. 

You might do this by talking with the parent and having the parent provide psychoeducation, you might use a bibliotherapy book about a specific topic, or gather facts in a number of different ways! 

Next, in this blog HERE I showcased one of my favorite ways to make the unknown known through showing pictures of events or situations that are brand new to a child.  

If we go a little further with this technique I wanted to bring in some research that is a blast from the past.  Yup, I’m talking about Albert Bandura and the Bobo Doll experiment.  *flashes back to grad school* Bandura’s Social Learning Theory states that people can learn through observation, imitation, and modeling rather through direct experience. 

The good news about Social Learning Theory is that you can also “turn on the light” in therapy by using bibliotherapy or videos about children in similar experiences. The best videos and books? Well, they are typically ones where the child or character featured in the book is either confidently doing and finishing the thing they are worried about OR where they initially may experience some difficult or scared feelings and then have resilience and regulation at the end! 

Check out this book HERE about the first day of school!  The Invisible String Backpack is a great book that models a young girl feeling anxious at the beginning of starting a new school year and then develops confidence and tools to have calm and regulated feelings at school! 

Lastly, another tip and homework skill I give parents and kids (if possible) is to actually pre-visit a site that an event will take place that causes a child anxiety.  This might look like visiting the soccer field to check it out alone with no pressure before practice.  OR this could look like pre-arranging a visit with the school or taking advantage of “back to school night” to go over a “dry run” for a child that will be switching classes for the first time. You might drive by the dentist’s office or go into the lobby of the hospital where the child will have surgery. 

So there you have it! Four tips to “turn on the light” to banish the monsters under the bed! 

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