What A Bonfire Taught Me About How to Be A Play Therapist

Real talk moment?

I save EVERYTHING. Handouts. Interventions. Copies of scribbled notes from trainings.  

And as I get later and later in my play therapy career I know that letting go is important too…. It’s a journey okay!  

So what does my stash of all things related to play therapy have to do with a bonfire? 

Well... a couple of years ago after another move I had a heart-to-heart with myself.  That after hauling a tote full of old papers and handouts what seemed like 34,235 miles and two houses later - and not opening it one single time - did I really NEED everything in that tote?

AND could that space in the garage be taken up by something more useful than what appeared to be an academic paper weight?

So…….I cracked open the lid, shook off the dust, and took a walk down memory lane.  Inside were TONS of old handouts, paperwork from the DSM-4-TR (WHAT) and how to use the DSM-5 (now outdated).  

Worksheets that my baby therapists self used with clients that were more Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and less Play Therapy.  Scribbles where I clung on to every. single. word. a play therapy presenter was saying for fear of letting those gold nuggets of knowledge blow away like the wind. 

Some interventions I’d held onto but never actually used.  Some I hadn’t used for years. And some were from my days of doing ARMHS work with adults with serious and persistent mental illness.

Handouts that inspired me to think “ahhh - I definitely wouldn’t do it like THAT with clients anymore…. I’d do it like THIS instead”. 

BUT in the early days? Those handouts and scribbles were my everything. They made me feel prepared to provide structured therapeutic interventions to some of my first clients. They were what gave me the confidence to fit together the pieces of what I was going to actually do with the kids in my office. 

So after a moment of gratitude, I hauled the tote out to the backyard (with the wheelbarrow of course)  lit a bonfire (ok with a little help from my husband) , and piece by piece threw all of the papers in. 

And as I watched the papers burn it occurred to me - we’re supposed to evolve.

I’m not a therapist anymore who is intimidated by working with trauma.  I don’t do in-home work. I’m not school based or going into juvenile detention centers to provide therapy. I see little kids now as young as three. I am significantly more creative and flexible than when I first started (flashback to the rigid agenda I would come to session with that never seemed to pan out).  

I know SO much more about how and why kids change and what they need on their path towards healing. I have a deep therapeutic identity built on years of training, consultation, and support.  I’m not using the DSM-4 TR anymore. 

And as you think about your play therapy journey - I want that for you too.  Besides using accurate diagnostic codes, I want you to understand that the therapist you started as, may not be the therapist you are meant to end up as.  

That you can change and grow in the ways that feel right to you.  That you may have started with a certain set of tools, AND you can grow your toolbox or set some tools down. 

And another revelation?  I’m not done growing yet.  I hope 20 years down the road I can continue to learn new things, add new approaches to my toolbox, and become the absolute best version of my therapist self that I can be.

We are truly never done growing. 

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