Why Kids Refuse School: The 11 Biggest Reasons and 5 Must-Have Resources

Does any parent really love school mornings?

If you are out there - I would LOVE to know your secret.  The reason for this is that even for kids that genuinely like school, it can feel like herding cats to get out the door.  

And for the kids that don’t want to be there.  Bucket up it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
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School can be tough. 

Let’s face it - there are tons of reasons why kids might not want to go to school. Some don’t really even have to do with school at all. I wanted to highlight the top 10 diagnoses that impact school attendance.  

Separation Anxiety - for these kids it’s not really about not liking school but about not being separated from their parents.  They know their parent can’t follow them around like a shadow at school or sit outside their classroom so the only way they know how to solve the problem of avoiding separation is by planting themselves firmly at home.  

Depression - a lack of motivation can leave kids not wanting to do anything. Not want to see their friends, not want to go to the movies, and definitely not want to go to school. Even getting out of bed seems like too much - but the actually getting ready part? The hair and teeth? Getting the right outfit? For kids that are depressed it might seem like climbing Mt. Everest would be waaay easier. 

Social anxiety - kids and teens with social anxiety can feel stressed, overwhelmed, and panicked just thinking about school. For this diagnosis there are so many opportunities for peers and teachers to evaluate and judge.  Their outfit? The AP Lit class? The swimming unit where they are definitely NOT going to be in their swim suit. Going within 10 feet of that pool? Absolutely not. 

Generalized Anxiety - for kids with this diagnosis they can worry about anything and everything.  Perfectionism can lead to procrastination and homework not being complete OR low self esteem and rumination on scores a child might perceive as bad.  This may make a child attempt to avoid a specific day to avoid the anxiety trigger, such as test day. 

Panic - for kids and teens who have a panic disorder, anywhere in public may be attempted to be avoided due to fear of having another panic attack.  

Phobia - for some kids there is a phobia that gets in the way of going to school.  Sometimes the fight to get to the bus stop is because a fear of bees.  Other times a phobia of vomiting (especially when there has been an uptick of illness) prevents a child from going to class or going on the bus.  

Learning Disability - for kids with learning disabilities being in an environment where they are expected to complete tasks and work that are extremely difficult can lead to an overall negative experience of school.  These kids and teens may have feelings of depression and low self esteem as well as feelings like they are never going to succeed.  For these kids finding the right support at school, such as with an IEP or 504 plan  is essential.

ADHD - like kids with learning disabilities, children with ADHD may have difficulties focusing, concentrating and completing expected tasks leading to similar low self esteem or negative overall experience at school.  Again for these kids finding the right support at school, such as with an IEP or 504 plan  is essential.

Autism - for Autistic kids and teens difficulties can come with adherence to routine in the morning before school.  If the routine is altered there may be significant supports needed to continue to get ready for school.  At school Autistic kids may struggle with frequent changes in routine, unpredictability, social difficulties, and intense sensory overstimulation. All of these factors combined could lead to school refusal. 

Trauma - for kids and teens with trauma the reason why school may be difficult or avoided are massive.  For some kids and teens trauma reminders are all over school, whether it is friends, teachers, or areas in the school itself that trigger trauma.  For other kids, trauma occurred when they were away from home so the focus becomes staying at home. 

Sleep - some kids and teens have a sleep routine that is not complimentary to getting up in the morning and going to school. Some really want to fall asleep but can’t.  Some are content playing video games until 3am.  Others have procrastinated and are now finishing up that big poster project as the minutes tick by.  Whatever the reason kids who are lacking in sleep have significant difficulty going to school in the morning. 

You Need Tools. 
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Once you are clear on the WHY a child doesn’t want to go to school you can be super efficient and efficient in developing your “what’s next” plan.  

• First check out why avoidance (ie not going to school) actually fuels anxiety and makes it worse HERE!
• Download this guide HERE to level up your diagnostic skills and find out why kids REALLY don't want to go to school 
• Jump into this FREE Mini Master Class HERE and learn the top three activities and interventions for school anxiety!
• Grab this resource HERE to help kids and teens actually get sleep 
• Dive deep HERE for your roadmap of how to actually get kids out the door in the morning 

Grab one or all of these absolutely FREE tools and resources to help ​make the transition to school a little easier for the kids and teens that you see! 

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