​Do your notes ever feel a bit stale? Like a CD on skip.  Ack - are CD's even a thing anymore? 
 
When I write my notes I use a DAP note formula - Data (subjective and objective - or more simply what the client said and what they did in the session), Assessment (making sense of the data section), and Plan (what they are supposed to do in between sessions and what is on the agenda for next session).  
 
With this format in the Data section we are capturing what the client and/or parents said or did.  AND when I am writing up a Diagnostic Assessment I am using quotes or being really clear on where the information came from - the client, parents, guardians, or past records.
 
What this all means is I am typing in a lot of information all day long about the things that are coming out of children and parent’s mouths.  And let me tell you - a note that sounds like “Peter said ___________. Peter also said _________. Peter’s mother said ___________.” gets pretty darn redundant and borning.
 
So…. on that note - today I bring you 5 ways to document what a client said (without saying said) so you can shake your notes up!

• Client reported ….
• Client stated….
• Client noted…
• Client observed…
• Client commented…

 
Wheeeeww!  That was short and sweet, but some of my favorite ways to add variety to my progress notes! 
 
Want more notes support? Check out my free mini webinar for faster progress notes and Play Therapy Progress Note tips.  

Still need more support? Learn to shrink your note writing process to write effortless and effective notes within your therapy day!  Check out The 5 Minute Note Course! 

Helping children (and parents) understand what needs children are attempting to meet in their daily lives are essential to help children go deeper beyond thinking and feeling and explore the underlying needs that sustain behavior. 
 
Simply put - it’s uncovering the “why” of behavior.  AND once we can figure out the needs that are driving the behavior we can evaluate (nonjudgmentally) if it is working for the child and the world around them. 
 
In working with children, parents are one of the biggest sources of support to help children meet needs in healthy, effective ways in their day to day life.  Parents and caregivers also can be more insightful into behavioral patterns or changes (you know, because of their fully developed prefrontal cortex), therefore have a greater role in creating the structures that help children succeed.  
 
One of these structures I work to teach parents about is helping their child meet their 5 basic needs.  Read more about the 5 basic needs and grab a free downloadable handout to help explain the 5 needs HERE! 
 
I wanted to highlight four simple ways parents can help their children meet the four emotional basic needs in helpful and healthy ways: 
 
Freedom: Give as many choices as you can - shorts or pants? Orange juice or water? Brush teeth before or after pajamas? Homework before dinner or after? Pizza or tacos? There is no such thing as too many choices here! 
 
Fun: Schedule fun! Seriously put it on the calendar.  Have the child choose from a number of fun activities (you get a bonus freedom need met too!) and decide when they fit in the schedule.  It can be easy and available (a go-fish tournament) to a little more complex (hop in the car we’re going to the aquarium!).
 
Power: Enter a child’s world.  Sit down and learn about their favorite video game, Pokemon Character, or Disney Princess.  Why do they like Gekko from P.J. Masks? (Ok I have personal experience in this one and can vouch that Lizard Grips are the best). What stage are they on in Super Smash Bros? What do they need to advance? 
 
Love and Belonging: Tell children you love them, but get specific.  What specific thing did they do today that makes you proud, made you laugh, or showed you how creative they are? What are you grateful for? 
 
And there you have it! 4 easy ways to meet a child’s basic needs each and every day! 
 
What are some other ways you work with parents to help them meet their child's needs? Drop a comment below! 

Looking for a deeper dive into Reality Play Therapy complete with tons of interventions and downloadable workbook?  Check out this training HERE! ​​
​

Reality Therapy (read more about Reality Therapy HERE, HERE, and HERE) is a theory that pulls together the complexities of being a human being into a comprehensive therapy model.
 
I loooove Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and truly believe our thoughts impact our feelings and choices AND Reality Therapy adds more complexity by focusing on the things we have the most control over (which are feelings and choices) and how we want the world to be vs. how it actually is.  The Reality Therapy model also adds in an extra dimension that our basic needs (read more about that HERE) drive all human behavior. 
 
When we think about our 5 basic needs (survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun) as powering our thinking and feeling we have extra rich information to use when we are working to support young people in living life as the best version of themselves. 
 
Depending on what need they were attempting to meet may mean a completely different set of cognitions as well as desired behaviors. 
 
Wondering what I mean by this? Let’s take a dive in with a case example (totally made up - no HIPAA violation here!)
 
Let’s consider the case of Oliver, a 10 year old boy who is failing math.  He doesn’t have any learning disabilities or trauma that would impact his grades.  Oliver was able to achieve high grades in his 4th grade math - he was actually at the top of his class! Now his parents are coming to you because they are concerned about his anxiety and drop in grades. 
 
If we are looking at this case on the surface one might immediately think about study skills, time management, behavioral programs, or how to assess and shift self talk around homework.  That might be fair, however if we don’t consider what needs are at play we are missing a bigger piece of the puzzle. 
 
Now, what if we know that Oliver’s group of friends also struggles in math? Maybe they were teasing him and calling him the “teacher’s pet” when he got high grades. Maybe he is trying to meet his needs of love and belonging by trying to fit in, fly under the radar, and not get teased. 
 
Ok - but what if we learn that Oliver has just discovered a new video game and has been consumed by it to the point that he puts his homework off and tells his parents that he didn’t have any homework (even when he did) to play this new game? Could he be attempting to meet his need for fun in a way that is getting in the way of his education? 
 
What if another peer in the class, Samantha, was the new “all star student” in math? Maybe all the other kids were looking up to her as the “smart kid” and now Oliver is giving up trying.  Could it be that he once was able to meet his needs of being powerful and an expert in math, but now he was struggling to compete and feeling hopeless? 
 
OR could it be that Oliver has such a busy schedule? Maybe he is going to hockey practice every night, and some mornings too.  He feels so overwhelmed and “just wants to be a kid”.  He just wants to meet his needs for freedom in his restricted schedule, so he is deciding not to do his homework to get some of his freedom needs back. 
 
If we look at all behaviors from the lens of what need they are attempting to meet (helpful or unhelpful) we can then begin to uncover the complex layers and the driving force of behavior.  Each of these scenarios above can lead us down a different path of intervention, thinking patterns, feelings, and choices.  
 
I would encourage you to add this lens of looking at and assessing The 5 Needs in your practice with children! Check out this blog and free handout to get you started on helping children uncover what’s underneath the behavior and help support them in meeting needs! 
 
Drop a comment below to let me know if you are using the 5 needs in your practice with children and adolescents OR if it’s something you are going to start! 


Looking for a deeper dive into Reality Play Therapy complete with tons of interventions and downloadable workbook?  Check out this training HERE! 
​

“She’s just doing it for attention.”
 
How many times have you heard this as a clinician? Usually in the middle of a session with parents where they are expressing some frustration about a choice their child is making.  Like the need for attention is something that is shameful or a dirty word.  
 
Yes, it’s fair that when a child is interrupting her mom’s phone call 2,387 times, only using "baby talk", or suddenly needing help with the simplest of tasks,  it is pretty darn frustrating.  And the need for attention can be an easy target for this frustration. 
 
But guess what? We all have the need for attention. It is healthy, normal, and natural human desire to want to have the attention and focus of others. To feel special, needed, wanted, and loved. Especially if that person is your guardian, caregiver, or parent! 
 
And actually, the need for love, belonging, and connection is one of our basic needs.  Check out more about the 5 basic needs (and a free download to use with parents) HERE! 
 
So… what this means is that if a child isn’t getting their needs met in a helpful way (that is working for them and the world around them) they are going to attempt to meet the need in a way that miiiight not be so helpful. A way that is frustrating.  A way that is like a flashing red warning light and siren that can’t be ignored.  You can’t help but notice it and pay attention. 
 
What this all leads to is likely a pretty ineffective way to meet the child’s need. However, an angry parent paying attention to them is better than no parent paying attention.  
 
So, when talking with parents, if we can frame love, belonging and attention as a basic need that the child is attempting to meet (even with the ineffective behavior), we can cultivate compassion and empathy rather than frustration.  
 
In this moment the parent can then shift the way they think about the behavior - from something a child shouldn’t do (ie they shouldn’t need attention) to being curious about how to help the child more effectively meet their need. 
 
This shift can be paramount in your work with a family and can help parents go from seeing something as “attention seeking” to an unmet need with the child. And taking that one step further they can then begin to get curious and pair with the child to help figure out other ways to meet their needs.
 
Maybe this looks like asking a parent to play a game with them, put together a lego set, or have some snuggle time instead of purposefully poking buttons or picking a fight with a sibling. It could also look like the child using their voice saying “I need some time with you” instead of whining, constantly interrupting a parent, or hanging on to their leg and not letting go. 
 
This can also look like a parent recognizing when a child is having unmet needs and is attempting to meet needs in unhelpful ways. When the parent notices this and is aware of the dynamics, parents can then provide the structure and suggestion.  It can sound like “I wonder if you are wanting my attention?” and move into suggesting activities for connection. 
 
In a compassionate and loving way this gives a child permission to be seen, to feel special, and become connected. 
 
So, when a parent comes into my office and is understandable frustrated by their child’s behavior, and in an attempt to process what’s going on says “they’re just doing it for attention” I always meet them with the statement of “Yes, that makes total sense, and I can understand they want attention and want to connect with you.  Did you know that love and belonging are one of our 5 basic needs? How can we help your child meet this need in a way that works better for you and them?”
 
When we can validate that it makes sense that children (and adults) not only want attention but NEED attention, we can start to make monumental shifts in family dynamics! 
 
Now, what about you? How to you explain the need for attention in your work with parents? 
​

Looking for a deeper dive into Reality Play Therapy complete with tons of interventions and downloadable workbook?  Check out this training HERE! ​